Happy Valentine’s Day y’all! Now I know that not everyone celebrates Valentine’s Day and I get it. Some believe it’s a corporate holiday, some don’t want to celebrate while they’re single, and for some it’s just not a big deal at all. All of those are valid reasons and I hear you loud and clear on every single one! Trust me, I don’t believe in having just one day to celebrate love either. Love should be celebrated all day, everyday!! And I’m not just talking about love in relationships. We should celebrate our friendships, love for our children, and most importantly love for ourselves! Having said that y’all are my girls and I want you all to be happy and find that everlasting love that you deserve! So in honor of the day of love I thought I’d share with y’all a little insight about relationships straight from the mouths of men themselves!
If you follow along on Instagram, and if you aren’t come on girl what are you waiting for, then you already know that about a month ago I had this idea to anonymously interview tons of men about all things love and share their answers with you all! So I gathered the top few questions that you all had about men and asked away! Let me tell you… some of their answers were SHOCKING!! These men surprised me in both the sweetest and not so sweet ways! 🤦🏻♀️ So without further ado let me share all their secrets with y’all! 😆
What is the biggest turn on for a man?
Hands down the number one answer to this question was confidence! The men I interviewed want a woman who is comfortable not only in her own skin but who she is and where she is going. Translation, they want someone who feels good about themselves physically, comfortable in who she is as a person, and has goals! In fact the majority of men didn’t care if you hadn’t achieved these goals yet as long as you had a plan and were working on getting there. As women we can relate to all of this! We too want a man that is confident, doesn’t need constant reinforcement to feel whole, and has dreams that he is either pursuing or has already achieved!
Other less common answers were a pretty face (duh!), having a kind heart, and a sense of humor! Alright, I can get on board with all of these answers!
Isn’t that sweet that the most popular answers had nothing to do with our looks and everything to do with who we are on the inside? We’re off to a good start boys!! 🙌🏼 Ladies, don’t get tooooo excited though, a few of their answers later on will let you down! 🤣
Takeaway: Confidence is attractive. This is why we older broads preach about self love so much! If you love yourself, including your body, your mind, your heart, everything else will fall into place. For all my younger girls out there, please do not ever change who you are for a man! Trust me when I say I’ve been through it all and you will without a doubt end up resenting that man later in life! Every single one of you reading this is unique and has something special to offer not only to the world but your future life partner. The right person will love all those unique things about you good and bad so no matter what any one else tells you just be you! ♥️
How do you know when you’re in love? What makes a man commit?
You know that old saying “a man will move mountains to be with a woman he loves” well my boys just basically confirmed that for us! How does a man know when he’s in love? They will “do anything for the person they love, want to be with her all the time, and she is the only thing they care about.” That’s it! Of all the men I interviewed these were the only answers, they all said the exact same thing!!
Takeaway: If a man loves you, you’ll know and if he doesn’t you’ll be confused. If you aren’t sure if a man wants to be with you then he most likely doesn’t. Harsh I know, but don’t waste your time on a man that is not giving you the effort, attention, and love that you deserve. According to my boys nothing will stop them from pursuing or being with a woman they are in love with. So ladies don’t ever be afraid to lose a man because if he truly loves you he’s not going anywhere. And if you do lose a man that you love trust me when I tell you that it’s a blessing in disguise! I know from experience!
Why do men cheat?
Let me tell y’all trying to get a man to answer this question was like pulling teeth! What is it about this question that makes them so uncomfortable? I can tell you why women cheat in 2.5 seconds. We cheat because we are not being fulfilled emotionally. We find that emotional connection or someone who makes us feel good about ourselves again in someone else. Now there’s always the exception but for the most part, that is why women cheat! That wasn’t hard at all! So what’s the big deal men? Trust me, girls I went to bat for y’all! I didn’t let these men off the hook with their answers but the best I got out of them for this particular question was either insecurity or because they didn’t want to hurt us. Yes, you read that right!
According to the men I interviewed one reason they cheat is because they are insecure. Maybe they don’t have their life together or maybe they secretly believe they don’t deserve you so they’ll go out and cheat for that extra validation. Or they cheat to sabotage a good thing because again they subconsciously don’t believe they are deserving of what you have to offer. Ugh!
Now the most common answer was that they didn’t want to hurt us! Yes, they cheat on us to prevent hurting our feelings! 🤯 Now remember ladies, I am just the messenger, so don’t come at me in the comments! 😂 According to the men I spoke with we women get emotional when they try and break up with us, it makes them feel really guilty, so they choose to stay with us so they don’t have to deal with hurting our feelings. Our crying and emotions during a breakup freak them out! Over time that will lead to them sneaking around, being with other women, and hiding it from us because they don’t have the balls to face our tears. Gosh, it’s just so darn hard being a man now isn’t it?
Takeaway: Cheating doesn’t happen because of something you did wrong, it happens because of something completely out of your control and quite honestly reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you! I’ve been cheated on by every single one of my ex’s and I get how tough it is for many reasons. Sometimes our ego gets bruised and sometimes our hearts are completely broken because we were so deeply in love. Whatever the reason I hope you remember that YOU did nothing wrong and no matter how bad the relationship got YOU did not deserve that!
Also, just a little side note for any men reading this. Women are not only repulsed by cheating for all the obvious reasons but also because by having sex with another woman and not telling us you have literally just put our lives in danger. Every woman should have the choice to do what she chooses with her body and it’s not fair to lie about being monogamous. If you are out having sex with other women and come back to us you put us at risk of catching diseases that can be life altering like HIV, HPV, etc. Not to mention that some women can become violent when they find out the man they are seeing is also seeing another women. Don’t put us in that position. Mama raised you better than that! 😉
What makes a man come back?
Brace yourself ladies! Today is the day men break our hearts all over again! 💔 What makes a man come back? Well..not love! Of all the men that answered this question not one said they came back because they were in love!! Not one! What in the whole hell? Isn’t that supposed to be the ONLY reason anyone in their right mind would come back? 😂 Talk about “men are from Mars, women are from Venus!” The number one answer to this question was comfort! A man comes back to you because he found more comfort being with you than he did with anyone else. Now this could mean several things according to men! One, he feels more comfortable or “safe” with you or two, he finds comfort in you because you remind him of how he grew up! That can be both sweet and the biggest red flag of all time! 🤣 At first glance it appears to be sweet if a man comes back to you because he feels safe or comfortable with you but that’s only after he’s gone out there looking for what he needed in other women! Or if you remind him of how he grew up that can be sweet if he had an amazing childhood where he was super close to his family. On the other hand if he grew up with a super controlling mother than all that means is that he needs to be controlled and he finds that comfort in you. What does that say about you?! Me?! All of us girls?! I thought for sure that when I asked this question some men would say that they went back to an ex because they were really in love with her and it just took them longer to realize it than the average bear. But all my guys said “nah girl we never come back for love.” Remember how in question two men said they would do anything for a woman they love? They just proved that point again with their answers to this question. 🤦🏻♀️
Other popular answers were infatuation, he sees you’re moving on, and there’s no one else he’s interested in. Umm..yeah those answers aren’t any better boys! 👊🏼
Takeaway: I’m not going to lie, these boys had me shook with their answer to this question. This makes me think that we girls have to really think twice about getting back together with a man that originally left us! Do you really want to be with someone because they couldn’t find anyone better? Or would you rather be with someone because they know without a doubt they love you, only you, and can’t imagine being with anyone else? Yeah, I think I prefer the second option too! Maybe we should all make a pact to never take back an ex boyfriend again and maybe they’ll all start to shape up? What do you think ladies? You in? 😉
I thought it would be fun to ask the men a few more short answer questions just for the heck of it. I mean, why not? It’s Valentine’s Day let’s have some fun with it! So below are their answers:
Boobs or butt?
80% butt, 20% boobs! However, a good chunk of men did say at the end of the day neither were musts or deal breakers and just preferred a woman with soft skin!
What’s scarier? Marriage or loneliness?
80% marriage, 20% loneliness 🙄
Do you notice if we gain weight?
In all sincerity I do want to thank all the men that took the time to answer my questions to help my girls out! Even though I’m giving y’all a little bit of a hard time today I do genuinely appreciate the honesty! The insight will give my girls something to work with so they can reassess how to move forward in their love lives!
To all my girls out there reading this, I hope you see that the biggest takeaway from all these answers is to be yourself and never settle. We learned today that a man will do anything for a woman he loves. If you’re not satisfied in your relationship or not getting the love you desire I hope you have the strength and confidence to know you deserve better!
However you’re celebrating today I genuinely hope you all have a day filled with love. Whether it’s with your spouse, your best girls, or just a day full of self love! Every one reading this deserves all the love and happiness in the world and I hope you all find it! Happy Valentine’s Day y’all! ❤️